How Do You Wish to Proceed?

This question has been on my mind all day and what better way to work out the insanity of my thoughts then here - with all my wonderful friends.

To what degree is an artist willing to sacrifice their craft for their partner, regardless genre?

Sounds rather strange for me to pose that question in such a way; my syntax is not the most pleasant thing to decipher today - I'm too tired and mentally exhausted to rethink my grammar. Sorry.

I should, partially, be careful with how I use the word sacrifice - there is no negativity intended by its usage.

My entire life, as early as I can remember, my priority - my top priority, has been art. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't pursuing music - I was deeply entrenched in the visual arts, painting, charcoal sketching, water colors - you name it. Art has always been an integral part of my family growing up, my fathers mother was an artist, both my aunt and uncle are artists - one of which is a relatively well-known artist in NYC. My mother's cousin is an artist and my cousin is the editor in chief for D.C. Comics.

I happened to stumble on music, just a different medium for expression.

But to me, there is no great constant (even though, at times it's NOT very constant) than music. It is my passion, my heart, my life, my dreams, my lover, my partner - it really embodies my soul. I could never (and still can't) quite understand why so many musicians need a break from music. I understand that I need a break from playing, but my mind NEVER stops thinking about it. Beethoven, Mozart, Strauss, Carissimi, NIELSEN, Shostakovich - thoughts are always popping into my brain about phrasing or how to achieve absolute serenity through my playing.

But, what makes this life so difficult, and I've accepted it (for me),that it is one of solidarity - in my thoughts, in my music, in my playing. Don't allow that to skew your thoughts into thinking I want nothing to do with sharing that with my partner. I do. I want to share my life with someone - someone who understands what it is that I struggle with - someone who understands that if I disappear for 8 or 12 hours because I'm so immersed in my music, that it's okay.

People do it, people find their loved ones, their partners and create a really harmonious life together.

Look at great artist, Monet - Renoir - Degas - BRILLIANT artists all of whom emotionally struggled with partners and loved ones. That's not just limited to the visual arts, look at Shakespeare or Poe - or t.s. elliot. Brilliant minds tortured by the solidarity of their craft.

I'm not certain if I'll ever be able to change my priority. I am, however, certain I could make my partner "A" priority, but not "THE" prioirity.

Thanks to those few that I've talked with these passed few days about this - this has been both an enlightening experience as well as a thought provoking and stimulating jaunt for me.

Not to mention a nice change to studying for music history.