No, Go HERE!

Just so you know, my site changed though I still maintain this one for various other reasons.

Go HERE to catch up on my life.

If that link doesn't work (and seeing that I don't always have the greatest luck with technology) copy and paste the preceding link into your browser:

www.sinfullycincinnati.wordpress.com


When I remember to update it...

Sinfully Yours.

Sinfully Cincinnati

This should make things easier for those who are looking for it. :-)

Tides Are Changing - Keep UP!

Hello, hello, hello!

I've moved my blog, my most wonderful friends, and we are now officially located at: Sinfully Cincinnati Version 2.0

Not only do I have the ability for more technological advancements and changes through wordpress, I can also easily manage other blogs I guest author and contribute for.

A sad move, as blogspot has treated me well in the - 6 months - that we've been together.

But, as always, I'm excited about the future!!

Hope to see you there!!!

Cheers!

-A

HELP - PLEASE - I don't know what to do?!?!

Okay friends - here we are again - am in a bit of a pickle and need your help, desperately. I established a wordpress account a long time ago and am not really certain whether or not to change gears and move my blog there.

It is definitely exponentially easier to navigate and write on wordpress - but so many of you have followed me here.

Now, I guess the question is, will you...follow me there?

Let me know your thoughts!!!!

The Concept of a Musician is Changing. Time to Catch-Up!

My meeting at 9am was very productive - though both of us seemed rather exhausted from the weeks events.

Spring Break is no longer a pleasantry I'm allowed to part take in - it's not on my calendar as a "holiday" anymore. Oh how nice it must be to enjoy the moments of an undergraduate degree again.

But you won't see me begging for those years back. No, I definitely learned some really important life lessons in my undergrad and have really blossomed into a thought-provoking, well-mannered individual.

But to the subject at hand. My meeting this morning was about developing a clarinet pedagogy course - which sort of segued into a developing as a musician and performing in general. Questions like, why aren't students and professionals alike preparing themselves for the next stage in their life? Particularly to students, why aren't you actively making choices that will benefit you and your career? Being raised in a fortunate family doesn't mean you can't work at this career - not the career of a musician. No amount of money will make YOU a better performer - you have to work.

But - this then sort of spiraled into a conversation about what our jobs hold for us in the future.

Job descriptions are changing and it's time that we adjust and re-orientate our goals as such. A performing musician - one whose sole source of income - is a slowly dying market. Quite frankly, I won't be surprised if in the next ten years it is all but extinct.

Not that this is a bad thing. No - definitely not. What is evolving lay the foundation for the future of musicians across the world.

The evolution of the super-musician.

Our jobs are no longer to merely play, performer and entertain the public. We are now entrepreneurs, writers, teachers, scholars, administrative executives, AND sick-nasty performers.

It's not the result of a dying art - it's the result of an evolving art. We are too stuck in our archaic ways of the past and unable to forgo ideals of the 50's - music is a new genres. IEP's need to change, music programs need to adjust their curriculum and we need to keep pace with the technological and sociological developments of society.

We are the sole proprietor of our dreams.

And you know - I'm rather looking forward to the future.

New Ideas Motivated by Sleep

Upcoming articles: The Competitive streak: What one learns (or doesn't) on the competition circuit.

A small piece I'm working on about what I've learned over the past 4 years of competitions - and in many cases, what I haven't learned. The advise and preparation from my mentors and my observation of other musicians - and my favorite moment - the poor loser and how to avoid it.

;)

Happy music making!

New Obsessions via Concert:Nova

I'm dawning a new title these days and now "administrative assistant" can be added to my bizarre list of many. I'm now the newest "addition" to Concert:Nova via the administrative side!

I'm very very excited about this! This ensemble embodies everything that I, a musician, hold essential in the world of music (particularly its survival) - unexpected music in unexpected places. This ensemble, a collection of Cincinnati's finest musicians, brings to the table a fresh and exciting display of virtuosity through aural, audio, and visual stimuli.

I've been working with Ixi Chen, the creative tour de force for c:n, for the past few concerts - volunteering, taking care of whatever I can. Because, well, mostly I think that this is the next wave of music making in the world - it's the future, really. And, as many of you know, I'm huge on pushing new ideas and concepts about music. Particularly anything that really connects an audience to the music - makes it more tangible and heightens the experience.

That, and I'm really good at logistical stuff and get a weird fascination with watching things come together. Now, If I could only be OCD about my life as I am about others.

My first project, a performance in collaboration with Via Vite - a swanky Italian restaurant nestled in the heart of Cincinnati at Fountain Square. The concert is a celebration of earth day entitled, The Four Seasons.

Did I mention that it's at a restaurant...with food? Tapping into my inner fat child. Wait - who am I kidding when I say inner - that's really my OUTER fat child.

I'm being redundant but I'm very excited about this upcoming event. Not certain what I'm getting myself into - but, seeing how OCD I am, I'm sure everything will go smoothly.

And - I expect to see you ALL there!!!! I mean, come on - food and a concert?!?! This is bloody brilliant!!!

Conceptualize THIS!

It's funny to read articles and music reviews by American critics about European orchestras.

How closed and small minded Americans tend to be when it comes to classical music. Even worse, the ones that seem to set the standard are critics and musicians themselves.

Classical music, it's evolution, and survival need bare no relevance to elitism. Period.

Conceptually, European orchestras have a completely different grasp in creating sound and music.

I remember when I was in Russia at the St. Petersburg Marinsky Theater to watch two of my FAVORITE ballets, Stravinsky's "Firebird Suite," and Rimsky-Korsokov's "Scheherazade" - and being floored and amazed at the sound the orchestra was creating. This concept of playing was so new to me! Sure, I have my far share of cds featuring some of the greatest European orchestra - from Berlin, to France, to Israel, to Budapest, to Denmark - but when you hear it live - it's something different - it inculcates a different set of emotions and you're taken back by the sheer genius. I think at first, for many, the reaction is a negative one - because it's so different.

Sort of like the gay community in the US - first a negative reaction because it's SO different - then you realize that their addition into society is - well sort of essential and rather amazing and bare no influence on anyone else nor affect anyone else lives. (A story for another time and another blog)

But, as I was saying, the Marinsky Orchestra seemed to served the music, as the composer intended, and not the other way around. At times it was gritty and dirty - because the music called for it - at other times it was sweet, serene, and sublime.

Funny - the musicians there were more concerned about the energy and passion of the music - but, I found, lack the timbre and purity of sound that many American orchestras strive to create and harness.

I'm just exhausted with critics and musicians who are so quick to judge when they should step back - and realize what it's all about in the first place.

Music - it's SO COOL!

Happy Music MAKING!

Evidently, I need to find better things to do with my time - other than facebook stalk and read every blog on google.

Recently, I've been mentally collecting things about my practicing and playing that I need to improve on - and it always seems that at the height of my competitions I find myself questioning everything - motives, phrasing, my ability as a player, etc. - even more.

Francois Rabbath - a double bassist of pure magic - taught me during a masterclass - that when you walk on stage, you no longer think about rhythms or harmonies or any of that stuff. Why? Because you just spent a month, or more, drilling it- when you step on stage, you perform - you play music - no counting, no nothing - you conjure up the pure essence and beauty of music.

What I want - is to be able to turn that on all the time - well not so much the not counting part - but I want to inculcate that moment of sheer genius every time play. My pianist, the other day, said, "Why? Then you wouldn't have that extra umpf at a performance."

I agree - but I don't have to like it.

As many years as I've studied music - there is always something I'm missing - as is the case for everyone, I'm sure. I need to be more OCD, more cognizant of what I'm doing and "push the envelope" even further.

I'm ready to do that - and I should have done an AD instead of a DMA BUT - I'll just have to sacrifice sleep and all that other good stuff for this.

So much stuff to learn - and it's really rather fascinating and I'm intrigued by it all - just wish I could absorb all of it at once.

Mmhmm.

End rant.

Brick, meet Head. Head, meet brick. Be friends.

I read an article a few weeks ago - well, really a blog post but that's trivial - and it was a rather intriguing article about a fellow clarinetist discovering the importance of "off the clarinet practicing."

And no, I wasn't just reading one of my older posts - although, I wouldn't put that past me.

I can be rather dense sometimes.

It's such a great discipline, practicing without playing. There were a few points that I think he missed, but over all I agreed with his post.

We'll dub this method non-practice. I can't imagine how this practice would be counter productive - and why not do it?! These are some things that I wrote down in one of my practice journals about non-practice.

Learning Music - learning music becomes exponentially easier. With non-practice, you learn rhythmical and technical passages with out the burden of other worries - i.e. air speed, voicing, jaw, embouchure, articulation, etc. Not to mention my biggest hurdle, face fatigue - kills me every time.

There is something to say about learning the rhythms on the instrument too - via playing. It sort of runs the line of being an audio/visual versus the aural learner. But learning something in a contrasting way does nothing but, oh, you know - help you retain the material more consistently.

Technical Superiority - this is going to sound odd but after doing this for a while, I've noticed some very nice legato and technical facility in my playing. When I'm at home, I just go through scales - particularly in thirds - and listen to the sounds my fingers make while engaging the mechanisms of the clarinet. BUT, I'm not slamming or jarring the instrument in order to make the sounds more audible - no - I actually put my ear to the barrel and then work through my scales.

Yeah, SURE, I get a neck cramp after about 15 minutes - but the things you hear are rather fascinating.

Secondly, when you're not playing and only working through passages - your sense of touch becomes elevated - and you begin to realize and FEEL all the anomalies in your technique.

And how badly you need to get those springs replaced.

I think non-practice is an essential tool for those learning SO much music and playing all the time. The only difficulty, for me at times, is merely convincing myself that this is more beneficial than actually playing. We all know how much damage we do when we over-practice - especially the next day.

I call this brick wall syndrome, it's much like tunnel vision - its when all you do is play the same passage over and over again - it's like - banging your head on a brick wall. You're not getting anywhere - maybe causing some serious mental problems - and at the end of your practice session - you leave with a headache versus with the glorious feeling of mastering some technically challenging passage.

Try practicing next to a trombone player.

End Story. Time to...practice!

Realizing Reality

Second Nielsen Rehearsal today - we worked on transitions, mostly due to limited time.

It was a good rehearsal - there's something to say about working with a pianist that is competent and capable of adding her own musical interpretations.

After a while, I get really tired of always force feeding things to my pianist - it's definitely not like that working with Anastasia.

I record my rehearsals - it proves to be a beneficial means for me going back and listening and taking notes, mostly because I always miss something.

But - more of my listenings, these days, have been toward my own playing. I can't stress enough to everyone the importance of recording yourself - a LOT.

You hear so much - especially the things you DON'T want to hear.

Technology has done wonders for the advancement of musicians. Why are so many recalcitrant about getting up to date!

In a good mood, but I've got a LOT of work to do.

Bach's Nun Komm, der Heiden Heiland, BWV 62 - sheer and utter reverence and beauty.

What was this man on - adderal? His output was ridiculous, he must have been on something. And his fugues are so intricate and perfectly designed - the mark of an adderal addict.

We'd be friends, Bach and I.

He'd compose - I'd practice and 7 hours later, we'd be drinking the night away carousing with royalty.

Because, I mean - that's how I roll.

Alas getting to the point - Bach - I realized yesterday, during my music history study session, that his music is not in my life enough. It's really rather brilliant. There something very angelic and inspiring in his works - here lately, I've been rather fond of his cantatas - notable BWV 62.

I remember playing it last night and post the intro thought to myself, "okay, I can die now."

All smiles today. Thanks Bach - my home boy.

Oh, and just in case you aren't searching google today: here's the art you're missing. In celebration of Vivaldi's Birthday!

I'll have something more coherent in a few days. Promise.

That's Just Cat Talk

As I finished my Nielsen practice this evening - Max, one of the three cats I'm house sitting, saunters down starts and begins to meow.

Now, I'm not certain whether it was in celebration of me no longer player - or in sadness.

I'll vote sadness - because I stopped filling the house with the sweet melodies of Nielsen.

Bah.

The funny part about this is not the cat loudly screaming and meowing in celebration at the conclusion of my practice session - but how the cat was meowing.

It was this sort of guttural, back of the throat death howl.

Share the Wealth - Bitch

Found this delectable website - and after reading a few entries, it has definitely made it to my Google Reader.

Nico Muhly; New York based composer - hilariously refreshing look on, well, most things.

Enjoy.

Rein it in there, SPARKY.

Found this little article on the Gaurdian News website: What football can teach Classical Musicians.

This article - though has its points - sort of irritated me. What does it matter that your orchestra is made up of a variety of musicians from different regions of the world?

Yes, I understand the nationalist argument here, but this isn't sports - you don't have orchestras lining up to compete with each other.

So, doesn't that nationalist ideal sort of become null and void here?

A Room of Insanity

It's amazing how a simple change in practice rooms can either make or break the rest of your practice session.

Here's how I continually ruin my life via horrible, no - HORRENDOUS practice room choices: Typically, I like to practice in smaller rooms because they aren't as acoustically deceiving as many of the larger CAVES. That's how I started yesterday - a smaller room, and I was generally happy for a majority of that practice.

THEN, I took a break and changed practice rooms to a room that was as dead as - well - DEAD.
It put a HUGE damper on the rest of my practice session, not to mention the awful mood that surfaced as a result.

However, in light of the horrendous finale of my practice session - I did have a rather FANTASTIC run through of the Nielsen. With only a mistake here and there - I WAS smiling for at least an hour and a half.

It wasn't until I played the rep for the ICA that I wanted to VOMIT.

Such is life.

And, as many of my fellow reed players may know - we're officially in the season of HELL. With the climate and humidity lacking any sense of consistency - reed selection is like a crap shoot. It's like playing Russian roulette with at half-loaded gun.

Annoying.

I question my reed break in process - as I tend to do every time the weather changes. But, as many times as I've sat and logically thought about how I work and break in my reeds - I'm pretty certain that it's rather consistent - it's the weather that isn't.

I just fail to accept that. Every time.

I always find myself questioning my reed control via the break in process and that during times of weather anomalies, I fail to break them in at regular intervals.

I've got to accept the fact that - during periods of insecure weather, I need to break in more reeds.

Every now and then, I miss making reeds - but then again - sometimes I don't. I honestly don't have the time - and I'd rather be spending that time practicing. On top of a full doctoral load of classes, learning various works, memorizing music for competitions, research, etc. - my time has become a tight as the kids head stuck between the rungs of a stairway.


Bah.

The Rape of Lucretia

There are just some really brilliant moments - aside from the depressing story line.

Here are a few of my absolutely favorite moments:

Act I, Scene II: Their Spinning Wheels Unwind

Act II, Scene I: Oh What A Lovely Day - But probably more like 5 minutes in with harp solo.

Act II, Finale: Is This All

Such a depressing opera - but I'm obsessed.

How Do You Wish to Proceed?

This question has been on my mind all day and what better way to work out the insanity of my thoughts then here - with all my wonderful friends.

To what degree is an artist willing to sacrifice their craft for their partner, regardless genre?

Sounds rather strange for me to pose that question in such a way; my syntax is not the most pleasant thing to decipher today - I'm too tired and mentally exhausted to rethink my grammar. Sorry.

I should, partially, be careful with how I use the word sacrifice - there is no negativity intended by its usage.

My entire life, as early as I can remember, my priority - my top priority, has been art. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't pursuing music - I was deeply entrenched in the visual arts, painting, charcoal sketching, water colors - you name it. Art has always been an integral part of my family growing up, my fathers mother was an artist, both my aunt and uncle are artists - one of which is a relatively well-known artist in NYC. My mother's cousin is an artist and my cousin is the editor in chief for D.C. Comics.

I happened to stumble on music, just a different medium for expression.

But to me, there is no great constant (even though, at times it's NOT very constant) than music. It is my passion, my heart, my life, my dreams, my lover, my partner - it really embodies my soul. I could never (and still can't) quite understand why so many musicians need a break from music. I understand that I need a break from playing, but my mind NEVER stops thinking about it. Beethoven, Mozart, Strauss, Carissimi, NIELSEN, Shostakovich - thoughts are always popping into my brain about phrasing or how to achieve absolute serenity through my playing.

But, what makes this life so difficult, and I've accepted it (for me),that it is one of solidarity - in my thoughts, in my music, in my playing. Don't allow that to skew your thoughts into thinking I want nothing to do with sharing that with my partner. I do. I want to share my life with someone - someone who understands what it is that I struggle with - someone who understands that if I disappear for 8 or 12 hours because I'm so immersed in my music, that it's okay.

People do it, people find their loved ones, their partners and create a really harmonious life together.

Look at great artist, Monet - Renoir - Degas - BRILLIANT artists all of whom emotionally struggled with partners and loved ones. That's not just limited to the visual arts, look at Shakespeare or Poe - or t.s. elliot. Brilliant minds tortured by the solidarity of their craft.

I'm not certain if I'll ever be able to change my priority. I am, however, certain I could make my partner "A" priority, but not "THE" prioirity.

Thanks to those few that I've talked with these passed few days about this - this has been both an enlightening experience as well as a thought provoking and stimulating jaunt for me.

Not to mention a nice change to studying for music history.

This Is Getting Annoying

For once, I actually sat down and prepared myself for my theory midterm. And I'm not a big theory whiz-kid - I tend to make ridiculously stupid mistakes. I.E. Double things that have no reason to be doubled, inadvertently resolving things the WRONG way.

I thought I was prepared. Really took the time to look over my notes, to go through terminology - and I felt good. Prepared, which is something I rarely am good at when it comes to theory.

I was certain I was going to get an A. NO - I'm going to be mediocre and get a B. What is that? I don't like B's - even though after this degree, grades are a complete thing of the past. Nonetheless, it is absolutely disgusting to me to not get an A. What?

But, what freaks me out is that, even with the preparation I did - and the study - I still made enough mistakes to vomit such a grade?

I feel like I'm failing at life over here because I can't master freakin' counterpoint and tonal harmony?!?!?!

This is very disheartening. Very discouraging. Very frustrating.

Damn.

Ring of FIRE – More like RING OF MY DEATH!

USUALLY, I'm really good at maintaining my composure when things get "hairy." Today, however, I felt like the planets were horribly misaligned and the stars were against me. At one put, I felt like I was on the verge of pulling every last strand of hair out of my head - strand by strand.

 

I've found that my productivity grows exponentially when my schedule is maxed out. On average, I'm running around all day from about 10am to 11 or 12 at night. And I enjoy it, I really do. My practice becomes more efficient, my studying becomes more concise and I avoid drama at every corner. Why? Because I know that I don't have mass quantities of time lying around and at my disposal. Well, except on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's just when unforeseen events happen - like school closing yesterday thus snow balling (note pun, for those pun illiterate) the downward spiral that was...today. And we're not even halfway through the rest of the day.

 

My story line:

 

The dress rehearsal for "The Rape of Lucretia" was canceled, as it should be considering campus SHUTDOWN due to DEATH SNOW.

 

On an aside: Why do schools, both college and public, find it necessary to wait until the extreme last minute to make decisions regarding closings? Shouldn't the words: "DO NOT TRAVEL UNLESS IT IS AN EXTREME EMERGENCY" ring some alarm in the officials who make such calls? Okay, back to story line:

 

An email surges around the orchestra that an additional dress rehearsal will be scheduled tomorrow (or today) from 2-5pm. 

 

Huh?

 

Do they not realize that some musicians are playing in both orchestras? Amassing to 6 FUN FILLED hours of "The Rape of Lucretia." Oh well, such is life RIGHT?

 

My resolve: Emails were exchanged between the Maestra and me and I get word that it's okay for me not to be there. SWEET.

 

Especially considering I now have orchestra rehearsal for Shostakovich 1 from 5-6pm. 

 

I didn't think about getting a sub for the opera, mostly because it's a dress rehearsal and I wouldn't want to put someone through such hell of trying to figure out what was going on. So, I then realized that I had to be at the rehearsal.

 

Walking back from my apartment, I felt the anxiety and panick attack slowly creeping in – death to me and did I mention I had this DAMN snow.

 

Tears.

 

For about 2 hours I was in sheer terror because I now had rehearsal from 2-5, then from 5-6pm, THEN BACK to Opera from 8-11pm. That's 7 hours of rehearsal, of with all of it is pretty much nonstop playing. And I still haven't had the chance to practice. FAIL. I have a midterm on Friday, competitions, auditions, and recitals. This is NOT what I need right now and I really REALLY needed those three hours from 2-5.

 

And you know, I like the opera, a LOT, and it does go by rather quickly. Mostly because you don't have the time to stop and think, it's just go go go go go go go and don't make any mistakes.

 

Don't let me forget my morning classes from 10am-1pm. I'm kind of nervous about this history midterm on Friday mostly because of my realization, while in class today, that I've learned absolutely NOTHING. There has been no clear or concise flow of information to help link historical genres - and the GA feels the need to argue her case against why certain instrumental works are a part of different time periods and blah blah blah blah.

 

Women, it's a review class. Review please, I don't need to know your two cents on life and the development of x, y, and z.

 

Then I found out she's a hardcore conservative Republican (and not the good kind, if there exists a good kind). Which is funny, because I have been able to put my finger on why I don't much care for her – sanz her teaching – until now.

 

Tangents. I has them. 

 

But now I have just a slight moment to myself thanks to Zack who's subbing for me on the Shostakovich.

 

Okay, moment gone - need to study.